I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
