Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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