I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
