Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
