Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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