K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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