thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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