This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
No subtext here. People are naked.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize