I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
