He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
