does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
