She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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