it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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