I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
