thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
