Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
