I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize