his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Enjoy the penises
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
