it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize