Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
