dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
