I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
