So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
