I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Soap is not a condiment
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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