im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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