My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
