ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
