Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My life is pants optional.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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