What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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