I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
