im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
