The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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