this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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