a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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