imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
