is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize