Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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