I cockslap morals
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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