Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
