I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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