You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
