Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize