Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
