why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
