i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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