matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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