Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
