there's paper in my vomit.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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