Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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