he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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