wrigley field is MILF paradise
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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