Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
