The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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