omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
