I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
