every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
