i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
