and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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