i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she smelled like a LAN party
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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