I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My life is pants optional.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
