I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
PS: I just woke up from my shower
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
