Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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