Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize