I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
