so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
